Finishing up a rewrite of the ~55K I have written of Sublimation, the last overhaul before I push through to the end. I came across this sentence, in the original:
Without hesitation, I grabbed the weapon, pulled it up to his forehead, and squeezed the trigger.
One of my pet peeves is when someone who is talking to me says something like, "I know you're busy, so I'll get straight to my point..."
Once you've said that, you have already voided the proposition. If you want to get straight to the point, do it. Don't set it up.
And, goodness if I didn't do the same exact thing in that sentence. As soon as I have my first person narrator saying, "Without hesitation," at the front of an action, I have inserted a hesitation.
After a moment of wanting to punch myself in the nose, I deleted the offending words, and left:
I grabbed the weapon, pulled it up to his forehead, and squeezed the trigger.
Anyone else have any of little narrative paradoxes to share so the rest of us can be on the look out for them? Things that, as soon as you say them, have lost their meaning or at least their punch because they they are or create the very opposite of what they say?