If you haven't, please check out my review of Tim Stretton's The Dog of the North and also the contest entry for October, which has really cool prizes.
But I wanted to take a few quick moments here and post this before I change my mind and think this is too personal and too murky. It seems like the more serious I am about my writing, the more confident I am about it, and the more momentum I pick up, the moodier my relationship with the writing becomes. I'm not sure why that is, but I wanted to share my latest struggle.
Last week I finished a huge overhaul of Part One of Sublimation, and was feeling excellent about it. I think that was on Wednesday. On Thursday, after my EMT class part of me knew I should go straight home and pick up the figurative pen again. Part of me decided that I had hit a milestone and could afford to be a human being instead.
At the beginning of September by wife started a new job, in which she works five evenings a week. Rose and I have always been one of those annoying spend-time-together couples. Seeing each for barely a pip five days a week has been a huge adjustment for us in a lot of ways. That Thursday, I was missing her company, so instead of writing, I did a few sweet, husbandly things. Got her some warm sleepwear she'd been wanting, cleaned the bathroom, designed a nifty little candle display for our bedroom, that kind of thing.
I actually felt really good about that, and she appreciated it, and all was well.
Only.
It killed my momentum.
I've written a few more things since then, but the break in my grind-grind-grind routine was enough to knock me back out of gear. The last thing I'm going to permit myself to do is regret doing some nice things for my wife. So instead, I'm in the position of being (frankly) pissed off at my writing for even raising the question of whether or not I might start resenting being nice to my wife.
These are the times that try an artist's soul...
.Nevets.
(tangent - touching only on one point)
ReplyDeleteAgreed. The day-shift/evening-shift marriage is difficult.
It is a true struggle the relationships and the writing because they are two separate entities entirely and need separate things that when you work separately then it makes the compromise harder- but at the same time- tell yourself its just for now, not forever...see from my point of view its neither your feelings toward your wife or your writing that is a "problem" but the fact that a situation presents itself out of need at this time...just for now.
ReplyDeleteSo maybe you find a way to compromise with "just for now" and blame no one for the inadequate measures that come from such a thing- because that my friend only stifles the creativity more.
Good luck!
I vote for being nice to your wife, but I know that it is much easier to write if you get into a routine and follow it every day.
ReplyDeleteHey Nevets, I'm glad you feel good about what you decided to do. You should! People are the most important thing. That's the point of art, right? The momentum will come back. Just get your butt in the chair...unless you write standing up.
ReplyDeleteFunny you posted this because I JUST read a blog post from Nathan Bransford on the 'Nine Stages of Dating a Novel.' Writing, like any relationship...I think George Harrison said something about this: "it's gonna take patience and time...I got my mind set on you..."
ReplyDeleteUgh, I've been there. It's something I think many writers go through and unless you're a writer, it's difficult to understand. I'm either in the writing world or in the real world. It's hard for me to break out of both. I don't have the answer as I'm suffering from the same issue. Let me know what you come up with.
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First of all, what a wonderful husband you are! I think it's sweet that you did something selfless for your wife. But I know what you mean about losing focus. I have two elem. grade kids (requiring bunches of attention) and a husband who can't do anything for himself. Needless to say, writing time doesn't come easy. Something that works for me is setting aside a block of time for writing. I just add it into the other 500 things I have to do a day. Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteTake heart, Nevets. W've all been there. It's the bad times (in writing, as in everything else) that make the good times so good.
ReplyDeleteAnd you have a very lucky wife!
Thanks, all, for your support, encouragement and insights. It's pretty wonderful thing when you can be this honest and get actual, sincere feedback from people. I appreciate it a whole lot!
ReplyDelete@B - We're fortunate in that (a) we don't have any kids at this point and (b) her job is part-time so we do at least see each other a couple hours a night.
@Summer - This is a fantastic perspective, and may well help me keep a good balanced outlook. Thanks!
@Dorte - I vote for being nice to my wife, too, but that routine really is essential for me. It's not a matter of schedule, it's a matter of not letting other things crowd my mind. As soon as I miss a day, I remember a million other things.
@Domey - I actually did write standing up for a while, but not anymore. And, you're right, any kind of art is about people, so if we start sacrificing people we're defeating our own purpose.
@Scott - haha Great George Harrison reference. I love it!
@Clarissa - I will keep you posted as I sort through it, for sure. and you've really hit on part of the issue. I'm not an obsessive writer any more, but I am very much a method writer, so it's not easy to switch between mental worlds all the time, especially without the aid of routine.
@Lori - Thanks! :) And that's the one "advantage" to Rose's new working schedule. I pretty much can carve at least two hours out of my evening five nights a week for just writing. that has been huge in many ways.
@Frances - Thank you for understanding! As my dad used to tell me, "It's the bad stuff that happens on vacation that makes it an adventure." I suppose that's more broadly applicable.
And, no, I'm the lucky one!
I can totally relate. Today I spent driving my 18 year old son around to doctors appointments because he had been in the hospital that weekend with his first ever, and hopefully last seizure. Last week, I spent time with my new grandson and my daughter. And so, my writing momentum has suffered. However, I truly believe that we live to write not write to live so a little lag in momentum isn't a bad thing. It isn't a race. It is our living that adds depth to our writing. Besides, that makes you a rock-in' husband and there aren't many of them around. Kudos!!
ReplyDeleteOoooh I get times like that too.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy blaming my fickle muse.
:-)
Good for you sir, the people in your life have to come first. BTW followed you here from Roger Ellory's blog.
ReplyDeleteI have found over the years because my writing pattern is erratic that I can dip and and out as life permits me. Perhaps in time you'll find that groove too. Best of luck.
@Pam - You make a good point. It isn't a race. At the same time, I've been not racing at writing since I was in elementary school and I'm definitely putting a ton of pressure on myself to actual make this happen finally.
ReplyDelete@Misha - hahaha That at least gives me someone else to punch in the nose, rather than myself.
@Michael - Thanks! It's encouraging to hear that you have developed a groove that accomodates everything. And if you came from Roger's blog, then at least I know you have good taste!
It's a delicate, maddening balance, dear Nevets.
ReplyDeleteA word to the wise: if you take those inspirational moments to tend to your wife and your relationship, even if it doesn't feel like it, the writing will always be there later.
If you go in favor of keeping momentum, which is a fickle thing and may or may not last anyway (as I know too well from experience)...later on, when you look up, the relationship may not be there.
People, (including yourself) before words.
Always.
No guilt allowed.
Also, then when you are in a groove and don't want to stop writing for a time, she'll understand.
hugs
bru
@Bru - You put this just perfectly. Thank you. It is essential for me to keep in mind what's passing, what's not, and that, yes, there is a trade off the other direction, too. As always, your words cut right through to what I need to hear. Thanks, and hugs right back!
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