Friday, December 10, 2010

What Confidence Is - and What It Isn't

All---

Starting next week, I will be running a new series on my blog featuring stories from successful authors, in their own words, about the dark side of publishing.   As an archaeologist, I know you have to push through a lot of mud to get the artifacts.  As a forensic anthropologist, I know you have to slog through a lot of goo to get to the bones.  As an IT guy, I know you have do a lot of installs to get the right to trouble-shoot something interesting.  As a writer, I know that you have to face a lot of challenges to get where you want to be, too.  The stories I will be featuring will give each author an opportunity to focus on a challenge they had to face, how they overcame it, and the success that was waiting on the other side.  There's no easy route, but the hard path can be traveled, and that's what I want to encourage my blog's readers with.

So please stay tuned for more information on upcoming posts in that series, starting next week!

As a little bit of my own prelude to that, I wanted to talk a little about confidence.  We all know it's important, but as I sit here facing down three do-or-die tests that stand between me and my EMT certification, I am aware that I am confident, but also nervous.  Confidence cum nervousness seems a bit paradoxical, so I thought we could explore the ises and the isn'ts of confidence.

Confidence is...

  • Trusting in your strengths.
  • Being able to face your weaknesses without fear.
  • Being willing to admit your weaknesses without embarrassment.
  • Comfort with where you're at in your development.
  • Eschewing intimidation.
  • Have pride in yourself and your product.
  • Having humility and appreciation of others and their products.


Confidence is not...
  • Boasting or swaggering.
  • Feeling invulnerable.
  • Wanting to prove yourself.
  • Wanting to disprove your critics.
  • A  sense of superiority.
  • Complacency with your development.

That's where I am as I look at these tests.  I'm confident in my competency and in my ability to function as an EMT and to satisfy the requirements of the test.  But because I'm confident I can also admit that in a testing situation I'm vulnerable to focusing on the big picture at the potential expense of careless, little mistakes.  I'm confident that I will be certified as an EMT when all is said and done.  But because I'm confident I can also confess to you that I am the world's worst at waiting, and my impatience can make me careless.

So, yes.  Confident and nervous at the same time.

Which seems like a good place to be.

And I think it's where we need to be as writer's too.  You want to be confident in an authentic way, that includes humility.  When you truly believe in yourself and your writing, you're okay with admitting your weaknesses, because you trust that you can overcome them.  When you're confident in your writing, you should trust in yourself and your stories, but it's okay to be nervous, too, because it means that you're admitting to yourself that you're not perfect and that not everything is under your control.

Feeling invulnerable isn't confidence.

It's ignorance.

And ignorance may be bliss, but it doesn't make you a better writer.

I deliberately left the lists incomplete, avoiding even a few other items that came to my mind, because I'd love to hear from you all: what are some other things that confidence is -- and isn't?

.Nevets.


18 comments:

  1. Looking forward to that series! It sounds awesome.

    And good luck with your EMT cert. I have several friends who have gone that route. Crossing my fingers for you!

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  2. Unfortunately I think have some of those "not" things on my list right now. I must kick them away somehow...

    I can't think of anything else to add right now, sorry.

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  3. The dark side of publishing? I've been there! Can't wait.

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  4. That series sounds wonderful and I can't wait to see who you interview. Also, what a great definition of confidence.
    CD

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  5. @LT - It's going to be a great series! It's a great lineup of authors from all over the spectrum, and I've already gotten some of their pieces. Good stuff! And thanks! The practical is tomorrow morning!

    @Michelle - Yeah, I don't think many of us manage to come squarely down on the is side of that. It's definitely not an exact match sort of thing, and it's not an indictment of anyone. I also could have either lost totally wrong! Just my attempt!

    @Anne - It's going to be good! :-D

    @Clarissa - It's definitely going to be a good series. And I'm glad you like the definition.

    Did CafePress ever get you that coffee cup?

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  6. Looking forward to the series, Nevets!

    I think your lists are pretty comprehensive.

    I think Dr. Phil called this nervousness/confidence combination "feeling the fear and doing it anyway" of course I may have my self-help gurus mixed up...

    Good luck on the exams!
    ~bru

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  7. I have confidence issues like yours; both in my writing and day job.

    At my day job I'm a lead worker - I answer hard questions and make decisions according to the regs and county policy and customer specifics. I know my stuff, and I'm rarely wrong. But I'm nervous all the same, because there is that possibility I interpreted a reg or some verifications wrong. Or am just flat out wrong.

    But I carry on anyway, and stick to my decisions all the way to when it works, or doesn't.

    When I'm critiquing is the worst confident/nervous time. I know I'm a good enough writer, and informed reader, to know what elements build a good story. Plot flow, character building, POV . . But still, I worry that my advice will steer the writer the wrong direction - or they'll tell me I'm full of it. But again, I follow my gut instinct and say what needs said - in a constructive manner, hopefully.

    Maybe something to add to your list is: taking the risk that you could be wrong, but trusting yourself enough to carry on. Hmm, rereading your list - they all sound like this.

    Good points Nevets. Makes me take a serious look at myself as a writer.

    ......dhole

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  8. Interesting concept--looking forward to it!

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  9. Can't wait to hear about the dark side.

    I completely agree with what you think is confidence.

    Confidence is also the ability to reach great heights without stepping on others to do it.

    :-)

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  10. I like your lists and look forward to reading the dark side posts....

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  11. Good luck with your tests. I get nervous as well and i dress up a little to make myself feel more confident on test days at the college.

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  12. It sounds like an interesting series coming up!

    I agree with your points on what confidence is and is not--there are different camps when it comes down to it.

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  13. Found out about your blog via Declan Burke's CAP. Sounds like a good thing you are starting next week. Your website is very impressive as are the flash pieces I read

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  14. I can't wait for your new series.

    And you painted confidence pretty accurately. Great post!

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  15. I'm working on the whole "comfort" with where I'm developing. It's a process, that's for sure.
    Up for a writing challenge next year? Write1Sub1

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  16. @Bru - I think you'll like the series, and that's a great distillation of the idea. Because I think being confident is what enables you to be brave. You're afraid, but you do it anyway.

    @Donna - I think I first began to understand confidence when I was doing radio in college, because when people have nothing but your voice, you can't sound uneasy.

    @Dan - I hope you enjoy it!

    @TWC - Thanks!

    @Summer - My variation on that was to wear the EMS uniform I wear as an assistant to take the practical so that I would be in the right, professional mindset.

    @G'Eagle - Very different camps!

    @Sean - Glad you found the blog, and thanks so much for your kind words! I hope you stick around for the new sereis!

    @Hannah - Thanks!

    @Milo - It is definitely a process, and it's one I doubt any of us ever fully complete. I'm trying like heck to wrap up a novel to query and then I have another that's about 1/3 done I want to press on, but the challenge looks interesting so I'll think about it!

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  17. Can't wait for the series, sounds fantastic!

    And great breakdown of the meaning of confidence. I think writers need to have confidence in their writing without being arrogant - to me, it's so important to be able to truly recognize where you're at in your writing abilities and also to know the parts you can still work to improve. At the same time, you need to be confident that you're a good writer and that you're on the right path.

    Rach

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  18. @Rach - Yeah, that balance is the challenge, I think. Being confident enough to believe in your work while also being confident enough to comfortable with your own room to grow and improve.

    And I think the series will be great! I can announce know that the first post will be this Wednesday, featuring RJ Ellory, the best-selling and award-winning British author of psychological suspense.

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