by C. N. Nevets, (c) 2011
The General sat on the floor his living room –
General. Hardly. In name only. He was no general any longer. Perhaps once he'd been.
The General sat on the floor of his living room, at his right hand the weapons of glory –
War. Not glory. Battle. Bloodshed. Justice. Lawfulness. Many noble things, but not glory.
The General sat on the floor of his living room, at his right hand the weapons of glory and at his left the traces of quiet happiness –
Traces? Books and photographs and keepsakes and locks of hair. More than traces.
The General sat on the floor of his living room, at his right hand the weapons of glory and at his left the traces of quiet happiness. Before him, the proof of futility –
Evil unstopped by war. Loved ones unprotected by strength. Cherished people, suffering despite his sacrifice.
Before him, the proof of futility, and behind him, the proof of vacancy.
The emptiness which he could not face. The emptiness of powerlessness and acceptance.
The General sat on the floor of his living room, at his right hand the weapons of glory and at his left the traces of quiet happiness. Before him, the proof of futility, and behind him, the proof of vacancy.
And on his face a look of passivity –
Not contentment. Not peacefulness. Simply abandonment of passion. Acceptance.
And on his face a look of passivity, as I pressed my gun to his head and squeezed the trigger –
His final order.
My obedience.
“Yes, sir.”
The General lay on the floor of his living room. Near his head were the tools of his life's work. Near his feet were the mementos of his life's loves. He was bathed in an aura of lapsed utility.
And on his face was a quiet smile, as if the first contractions before the birth of a laugh.
omg, LOVE it! It sort of felt like either you were wrestling with your writing as you went or he was wrestling with how to categorize his life as he sat.
ReplyDeleteEither way, I lurv it~ :o)
A story captured in so few words. I really like the form you took as well. Bravo.
ReplyDeleteVery cool structure, Nevets.
ReplyDeleteI'm just glad he didn't shoot himself.
ReplyDeleteAwesome structure - like writing your obit. Your characters are so inventive Nevets. And evocative. Well drawn.
.......dhole
@Leigh - Glad you enjoyed it!
ReplyDelete@Yat-Yee - Thank you so much! You really hit on the two things that were important to me from a technical stand-point in this one.
@Domey - Thanks! I had fun with that!
@Donna - Thank you so much. I appreciate it!
An interestingly styled piece. Really works for me. Drew me in from the beginning and wouldn't let me go.
ReplyDeleteYour stuff always gives me goosebumps.