Saturday, February 19, 2011

This, Too, is Good

"This, Too, is Good"

Flash Fiction by C. N. Nevets, (c) 2010




I slipped into the bathtub and cried out as my body stung.

All I could see was her, walking out of the house, taking our daughter with her.  The woman I loved, the girl I would have given my life for if my life were only good enough.

All I could hear was the sound of my boss on the phone, giving my hours for next week – plenty of hours.  Plenty more time punching the clock.

All I would think of were all the things that could never be.  The modest dreams that were out of reach.    The simple desires that could never be fulfilled.

As if I sat on a dock, drifting ever further away from a sailboat that gleamed white with hope.

As if I sat at a table, reaching for my glass, only to find my reach never quite making it.

As if I sat in a concert hall, listening to a symphony of men and women living out their passion while I sat in my three-button self-loathing.

All I could could hear was a scratch –

a crack –

a pop.

All I could smell was rich and bitter.

As if the world was too

good

for me.

As if I just weren't

good

enough.

As if I were a child sitting in a high-chair while all the grown-ups danced, painted, discovered the mysteries of the universe, crossed another item off their list with a while, looking at it, and seeing that it was

good.

All I could feel was heat, as I dropped the burning match into the bathtub full of gasoline.

17 comments:

  1. ...sad...
    "All I could feel was heat" yet, it left me chilled...

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  2. Ouch. Shit, Nevets, it's Sunday morning and the sun is shining. Seriously, the ending took me by surprise. You could say it woke me up! I really liked the three-button self loathing line. Chilly good writing.

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  3. Great writing, but what a horrible twist, Nevets! And in the octave of your birthday, too!

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  4. @Bridget - I'm glad it struck something with you.

    @Yvonne - I will confess that to a certain pride at both waking a reader up and causing her to swear.

    @Frances - Yeah, I figured someone would probably point out that the timing for such a piece was a bit off-kilter. Ah well. :)

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  5. Wow, powerful. You're not describing your life are you? I'm not going to have to go to your house and talk you down?

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  6. ouch! Bathtub full of gasoline! I love this--very powerful and emotional. I love the images of things out of reach and the baby in the high chair. Excellent work! :o) <3

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  7. I actually gasped at the end; I didn't see THAT coming. Wow!!! This was incredible. You captured the utter hopelessness of your character beautifully. BRAVO!!!

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  8. OMG.

    SO did not see that last line coming. Dude. Just... dude.

    Incredible writing -- I'm going to be dreaming about this one tonight!

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  9. @Clarissa - Still happily married, no kids to lose, and no gasoline anywhere around my bathtub. :) Glad you felt the emotion of it!

    @Leigh - Thank you so much! Glad you liked some of the imagery!

    @TWC - Yay! Thanks! I love making people gasp. :)

    @Jennifer - Awesome. :) That honestly means a lot coming from a practitioner of the same trade!

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  10. One small point - why did his (or was it her?) body sting before the match hit the gasoline?

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  11. Because gasoline is pretty harsh on delicate skin areas and all the little cuts and scrapes you don't ordinarily notice.

    That was the idea, anyway...

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  12. I loved that image of the child sitting there and the adults dancing. It caught me by surprise in a really good way.

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  13. @Domey - Thanks! Usually I just sort of bam my flash pieces and then leave them alone. This might be one of the few I revisit to craft-up a bit. That image sort of caught me by surprise, too, and is one of the reasons I think it might be worth investing a little more time into this one.

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  14. Wow, this is intense! You've got a great skill. I totally didn't see that ending coming.

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  15. @Alexia - Thank you so much for your kind words! :)

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  16. Uuhh, ouch. I love dark stories Nevets. You are so good at them.

    .....dhole

    ReplyDelete

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