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Recently, UFC fighter Nick Diaz was suspended by the Nevada Athletic Commission and given a hefty fine because he tested positive for marijuana after UFC 143.

FACT.  Marijuana is known to enhance the mental acumen necessary for complex, strategic athletics.

FACT.  Marijuana is known to enhance the physical dexterity and muscle strength of athletes engaged in top level competition.

FACT.  Marijuana has been proven to give athletes an unnatural sense of composure under the pressure of the national spotlight.

FACT.  Nick Diaz was a role model to children the world over.  He was being invited to speak to kindergarten classes.  They were thinking about making a new Veggie Tales about him. 

Recently, UFC fighter (and title holder) Jon Jones was arrested for DUI.  He issued an apology.  He continues to fight.

FACT.  Drunk driving is a victim-less crime.

FACT.  Drunk driving is just one of those things we all do.

FACT.  There has never been a death attributed to the use of alcohol.

FACT.  Apologies make everything better.  For modeling this, Jon Jones should be invited to speak to kindergarten classes.  They should make a new Veggie Tales about him.

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In case you ever wonder why people like me write dark, twisted stories that raise questions about human character, the nature of morality, and the priorities and ideals of society, this is a great example of why.  No, I'm not enraged about this issue.  No, I don't love Nick Diaz or hate Jon Jones.  No, I don't love dope or hate booze. 

This might make C + C Music Factory go, "Hmmmm."

I think it's dangerous to make light of the way that society makes priorities.

I'm not even saying I don't understand why these two scenarios played out differently.  After all, the Diaz suspension was related to a drug test specifically engaged by the athletic commission.  The Jones arrest was part of his personal life.  Still.

Could it also be that the UFC has fought so long to try and make a clean-cut image, that it would rather ally itself with Ted Kennedy than with Andy Dick?

Never stop asking questions.

Never stop taking the answers seriously.

.Nevets.