As promised, the grumbling is over, and today is (order reversed)...
Applesauce. I'm weird with textures. I don't do smooth and lumpy combos. Applesauce has to be smooth enough I can essentially drink it off the spoon so that it doesn't linger in my mouth. I'm a broken man, but I'm willing to admit it.
Love. As a few of you know, I'm going through a temporary weird spot with my writing. As much as I have thrown myself into my genre, any long-time reader of this blog or anyone with a good familiarity with my writing, knows that I've never been fully comfortable with my genre (psychological suspense). It is in part a concession to the fact that I have not figured out how to work literary on a novel scale. My literary stories are inherently contained and punchy, best suited for short formats. It is also in part a concession to the fact that I'm pretty good at writing moody, suspenseful, scary stuff. There are lots of things I like about the genre. But I have many times struggled with the notion of making dark things entertaining. I'm not talking about vampires or gun fights or emo chicks. I'm talking about death, despair, and destructive human behavior.
Recently, some of that hit close to home, as it does for all of us at various times. A young teenager took his own life, presumably because of a bad break-up. I haven't known him for a long time, but when he was four, he and his twin brother were in a Sunday school class I helped teach, an they had such big impact on me I named my car at the after them. I won't belabor the complex personal emotions involved in my response to that, because that's not really what this is about. What this is about is me, once again confronting the darkness in real life and wondering if writing about darkness in an entertaining, genre kind of way trivializes it.
One of my good writing friends encouraged me to remember that I write out of love.
Peace. And here's where the applesauce comes back into it.
Intellectually, there is no reason for me to like applesauce. It meets all the characteristics of food that makes me cringe. In fact, if you ask me on the spot, I might very well say that I don't like it.
But the truth is, I love the stuff when it's made right. It feels fresh and clean and happy. It reminds me of sunshine and family and innocence. It's got good stuff in it for me.
So, against all odds, and against all rational reasoning, I eat applesauce and I love it.
And so, even while I wrestle intellectually with my writing. Even as I sort through what I'm doing, because it flies in the face of what in many ways I think should be doing, I love it. I love writing, and I love my stories, and as terribly cornball as I know this sounds to almost every one of you out there, I love my readers, as few as they might be at this point.
Most of all, that's the thing: I love sharing the experience of the story with you so much that it can, at times, bring me to tears.
It doesn't make sense to me. At times like this I don't like it very much. But, against all odds, I love it. And so, even if I wrestle with it, I am at peace with my writing.
.Nevets.
We write because to cease would be akin to a slow death at the stake or smashing a tomato worm and having them splash on your shin, or...you get my gist. Oh, and applesauce needs to be chunky! :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Yvonne about apple sauce needing to be chunky. I think what you're talking about is apple juice, Nevets.
ReplyDeleteAnd of course you love writing. That's why we do it, isn't it? Those people who "think they might one day write a novel/autobiography/whatever" won't, because they're not addicted, and that's what we all are. We're addicts. And I wish there was a cure, for then I could spend the time doing something really useful...
I'm so very sorry about the suicide; perhaps one of the saddest, loneliest kinds of death.
It's not cornball at all to love your readers. They partake of what you offer and enjoy it. Who doesn't love being appreciated?
ReplyDelete".. once again confronting the darkness in real life and wondering if writing about darkness in an entertaining, genre kind of way trivializes it"
ReplyDeleteVery important question. Some time ago I was editing the last few chapters of a manuscript where one of the themes was child abuse. In the middle of this process I met a mother whose daughters had been abused. I had to think things through, but my conclusion was that I must try to make an even better job of showing my readers how horrible, life-long consequences sexual abuse may have. And after my final changes I know I will be able to face that mother again and stand by what I wrote.
@Yvonne - Tomato worm imagery = stellar :)
ReplyDelete@Frances - The closer to juice, the better!
And, thanks, this was definitely a lonely moment, for for him and now for his twin brother.
@Lois - Thanks! I don't think it's necessarily cornball to love your readers, but I think it can come across as cornball to say it. :) But I'm a story teller! If no one's listening to the story, then it's half an experience.
@Dorte - I'm so glad you understand what I'm talking about. When you understand that your writing is read by real people, whose lives may have been touched by real tragedy, there's no way around thinking about this issue. I'll take encouragement from your experience!
I think the best books get into the problems that trouble our souls, and show us how to overcome them. If they entertain us on the way, it makes the lessons easier to hear, and learn.
ReplyDeleteEntertainment does not necessarily trivialize big issues, but merely grabs the largest audience and pulls them into thinking about something bigger than themselves. At least that's my two cents . . .
I am very sorry to hear about the young man who committed suicide, and I hope that you will find comfort in the Lord, and in your writing.